LMAO!
June 7, 2007
-
I've got a gooder here that I wanted to share.
Oh...we found the horse! 17 miles NE of our place! Talk about a prison break!!
*********
A furniture dealer from Alabama, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in Montgomery, Alabama. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a
glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his? table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass
and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic
music. They ordered dinner, after which he
took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded,and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Bubba has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.LoLNo offense to any Bubba's out there~!have a great one!
May 1, 2007
-
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.The 10:00 PM news was coming on with the news crew covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?Bob says, "Yes!"The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."Bob took the money......
December 20, 2006
December 15, 2006
-
Because I just got this and I love Stephen Wright I wanted to share:)
lol
**********************
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff
had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend.....but she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever . . .so far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work
October 30, 2006
-
WINTER POEM
The best piece of English literature I've seen in quite a while.....try to memorize this poem by December.....
" WINTER "
a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre
" SHIT It's Cold ! "A sick friend sent this to me....Lol...maybe you have to be a Canadian to get it:)
hope everyone's doing well - be back soon!
August 19, 2006
-
Not sure how true this is...but I liked it...
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
April 13, 2006
-
I went into the 7-11 gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt
************
I know, crude but painfully true.
Have a great Easter everyone!
ttyl
EDIT---
Sorry...I wasn't very clear about this..it was an email joke that a friend sent me and I had to laugh at the painful truth in it:)
Archives
- September 2014 (2)
- September 2013 (5)
- August 2013 (2)
- January 2009 (1)
- November 2008 (1)
- September 2008 (1)
- June 2008 (1)
- March 2008 (2)
- January 2008 (2)
- October 2007 (3)
Recent Comments